Jokes

how do Canadian anarchists meet?

In a circle, eh!

 

for the record: I AM HUNGARIAN!

Q: Why do Hungarian police cars have stripes on the side?
A: So the cops can find the handles.

Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian Cop-chopper crash?
A: The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.

Q: How do you stop Hungarian Police on horseback?
A: Turn off the carousel.

Q: What do you do if a Hungarian militia member throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.

Q: Did you hear about the new automatic Hungarian parachutes?
A: They open on impact.

Q: What happens if a Hungarian refuses to pay his garbage bill?
A: The Russians will stop delivering.

 

Yesterdays highlight from a draft resisters meeting:

Q: A sergeant, a captain and a 4-star general jump from a high building. Who's hitting the ground first?
A: Who cares?

And more from the hungarian arsenal:

Q: Is it true that fleas and bedbugs are able to do the revolution?
A: Yes, like the communist party they have the working class' blood in their veins.

Q: On which day of the week died josef stalin?
A: On a holyday.

 

this day wasn't a holyday only in hungaria, it was a holyday everywhere... in the east at least after some time.
1953 my mom was ordered to "cry because father stalins death" in school, three years later a russian tank broke through the wall of her classroom during russian language lessons - this one is about the the aftermath:

In the first, Comrade teacher announces the day’s lesson in School Number One, Budapest:
Marxist criticism and self-criticism.
“Istvan, please stand up and tell us what Marxist criticism and self-criticism means,” she instructs.
The little boy stands up. “Comrade teacher, Marxist criticism is how we must view my parents, who joined the reactionary counter-revolutionary forces who sought to destroy our heroic workers’ and peasants’ state, and then fled to the imperialist, capitalist west, to continue their intrigues against the Socialist regime.”
“Excellent, Istvan. And what is your Marxist self-criticism?”
“I didn’t go with them.”

 

An old polish priest died and went to heaven. He was asked if he had one last
wish before entering. He replied that he would like to have a conducted
tour of hell. They began in one of the deepest pits reserved for those
whose lives had been utterly evil. There he saw a lake of boiling shit in
which stood Hitler and Stalin. Stalin was up to his waist in it and Hitler
up to his nose.
“That’s outrageous,” said the priest. “Why should Hitler be punished
more than Stalin? I suffered under both and Stalin was just as evil as
Hitler.”
“You don’t understand,” said his guide, “Stalin is standing on Lenin’s
shoulders.”

 

YES!!!

 

A Marine dies in combat and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thinks to himself I know I lead a wild life but, Hell, I'm a Marine. We're expected to live wild lives. I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this. "
Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.
Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?
Marine: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.
Counselor: Hell's not so bad, We actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine.
Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays, On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?
Marine: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays.
Do you like to fight?
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine!
Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's Fighting Day. We challenge each other to fights to see who's the toughest in Hell. You don't have to worry about getting hurt or killed, because you're already dead.You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?
Marine: Show me a Marine who doesn't!
Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays, Because we gamble all day and night. Black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! you are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?
Marine: Of course, not! I'm a Marine!
Counselor: Oh (grimaces), you're going to hate Fridays.

 

Q: why do the KGB operate in groups of three?
A: one can read, one can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

brezhenev is showing his aged mother around the Kremlin. he shows her his ornate office, the state rooms, the banqueting suite and the garage full of limos. "well mother has your boy done well?"
mother looks aghast......"son i'm very worried. what if the bolsheviks come back?"

 

I woman walks into a veterinarian's office with a duck. The doctor asks what's wrong with the duck, and the woman says "I think my duck is sick". The doctor looks at the duck, checks its pulse and takes its temperature. He looks up at the woman and he says "Madame, your duck is dead". The woman, terrified, tells the doctor "no, I'm sure he's just sick. Could you do another test?" The doctor tells her "well, I have this cat, I could get her to see what's wrong with your duck". The woman agrees, so the doctor brings out a cat. The cat walks over to the duck, sniffs it, rubs up against it, then turns and walks away in disgust. The doctor tells the woman "I'm sorry, but it looks like your duck is dead". The woman is very upset by this news and says "well, I'd really like to be sure". The doctor says "well, I could get one of our dogs to check it out. It's a black Labrador, they're very good at this kind of job". The doctor brings out the Lab, who walks over to the duck, sniffs at it, licks it, nuzzles against it, then turns and walks away in disgust. The doctor looks up at the woman and tells her "there you have it, your duck is dead". The woman is rather let down and says "oh, I guess he really is dead after all". The woman goes to the counter to pay the bill for the appointment and the secretary says "the bill comes to $240". The woman is shocked. She tells the secretary "what? $240 just to hear that my duck is dead?" The secretary looks down at the bill and says "well, it was only $40 for the appointment, but it looks like you ordered a Cat scan and a Lab report".

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So a Honda Civic with 4 undercover cops in it drives off a clif. The car explodes and everyone dies. What's so sad about it?

A Honda Civic has 5 seats.

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How many Punks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3. 1 to screw it in and 2 to argue about who did it first

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A mod, a punk and a skinhead walk into a bar and each order a drink, and they each notice a fly in their drinks. The mod takes his apple martini and throws it against the wall in disgust. The punk takes his pint and drinks the whole thing back, fly and all. The skinhead looks into his glass, grabs the fly and yells "spit it out, ya bastard!"

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How do you get a one-armed punk out of a tree?

Throw him a beer.

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What's the most common digestive malady among anarcho-punks?

Reflux of Pink Indians

 

What do you call a communist cat?
A Meowist

 

Crust Jokes

Saw the jokes thread but I am lookin for those real rare crust jokes....

How can you tell when a crust girl is on the rag?
She's only wearing one sock.

Why won't Dystopia get back together?
It would make people happy.

 

good:

better:
http://abstractblack.files.wordpress.co ... img025.jpg

 

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

After 10 years, you stop milking the cow.

 

Ouch!

 

On Ellis Island, an elderly eastern European man is being processed for immigration into the United States. He stands before the desk of the immigration officer who loudly asks him, without looking up: ‘Do you advocate the overthrow of the United States Government by subversion or violence?’ The old man mulls it over for a few seconds, then answers: ‘VIOLENCE!’

 

That's fantastic. Had me chuckling like a child!